In the last post I discussed a selfish side that each of us
has. A part of our desire is to remain unknown out of fear of what cruel
punishments being known would bring. If you didn't catch it you can read it
here http://amithehero.blogspot.com/2013/06/relationships-part1.html.
Today I want to focus on the hope that we each have within
for vanquishing the demon of fear. We do contain the antidote to the disease of
shame, but it is not always an easy pill to swallow.
We have the counterpoint to the previous post, as humans we
have this inborn desire to be connected to those around us. Whether you believe
in a creator or not makes little difference because it is felt by just about
everyone and is even accepted by just about every worldview. Humans are social
creatures, a cliché line that has been the subject of many studies; we need
others even if we don’t like to admit it. I no exception to this rule, I desire
to know and be known. The process of learning another life is exhilarating in
ways that solitude can never match. There is something so very special in being
able to love someone well and knowing them deeply is an integral part of that.
I am constantly learning things about my wife that I am able to use to love her
better; this is a process I hope to never see the end of. Sure I could probably
continue to love her if I never learned another new thing about her but it
would never be the kind of love she needs and desires. However, in learning
about her I am given new insight into her mind which allows me to be what she
needs. This is also true of any relationship whether it be romantic or
platonic. Then of course being known is a wonderful feeling that knows no
equal. Having someone who can peer beyond the outer layers of flesh and bone, seeing
who you really are is refreshing. My wife does this wonderfully and knows who I
am no matter how many barriers I try to hide behind. Sure it might be
uncomfortable but in the end it is wonderful having someone like that in my
life.
As with the first side there are pros and cons that hide
within the desire to love and be loved. It can bring our hearts to leap on
every opportunity that comes our way. If this desire is left undiluted it can
cause us to let untrustworthy people into our lives that do not bring health
but rather destruction. There are plenty of people who do not deserve to be
trusted with our inmost selves and if we let the pendulum swing completely to
the side of trying to find love they can take things that should never have
been theirs. This isn't to say that nothing but bad comes from loving
indiscriminately. There can be some positives in that relationships can seem
better, friends will be much easier to come by, and companionship is a very
powerful medicine.
While there is an element of desire for safety and freedom
apart from one another there is a necessity to have both in balance. We cannot
live to one extreme without damage being done. I tried living to the defensive
extreme and it left me in more pain and broken in ways I haven’t fully
discovered yet. Like so many things in life we have to live a life of
moderation. There are certain times where defending our hearts is necessary,
there are relationships that should be kept distanced to some degree. It takes
a keen eye to notice these and it occasionally takes an uncomfortable
conversation to address them. On the other hand we need others in our life.
Personally I need my wife desperately because I am incredibly stubborn in
taking care of myself. She is close in and so has the ability to discern these
moments from the rest, then she is able to care for me in the ways I need. We
always love to say that we are stubborn enough for each other, and she is
perfectly stubborn for me.
So we have the two sides of our desires for relationships
but what do we do with these relationships once we have them? What is their
power? In the last post of this short series I’ll give you my thoughts and
experiences on just that.
Max
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